February 25 2025

god im fucking lonely. surround yourself with people nonstop and yet only two or three that you dont even see that often are meaningful. i can sit in a crowded room and feel alone, hold hours of conversation while deriving no substance. and the longer i exist in this perpetual state of emptiness the more the world crumbles around me, the more people seep out of the wood word just to call me inhuman, insane, indebed and intolerant of their values and beliefs - which of themselves are worth less than dirt scraped off a boot.

and yet the world shifts a little further from the sun every day, spins a little slower, and chugs on through the endless eons of its meaningless existence. all the while life scurries acrosss its surface chasing the fleeting prey of desire and nourishment, never able to satiate its desire in life before rotting into the ground with the rest of eternity. 

somehow in all this pointlessness and melodramatic babbling ive found the time to add a cat to this, type it in the first place, care about projects, reply to people, and generally exist in a semi sociable pretentiously productive life. so i guess its not really all that bad right?